Amira Ansari Journalism

Peer Editing Feedback:

#1 Peer Edit:
1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
She could add more details in the ending and what really happened in the JFK aircrafting thing, and what really happened in it. Explain more about it so if someone who had no idea what happened with that read it they could understand what had actually happened.
2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
The lead could have involved me more in the story, it was really interesting and made me want to keep reading though.
3. Does the story contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
Yes, it does a very good job describing the scene and the scene was what her and her dad used to do when he used to work and when she was younger. Described it good enough so that I knew the scene she was in more.
4. What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
Hear more about the JFK stuff, and maybe more of what the consequences of that was and why they had stopped allowing kids.


#2 Peer Edit:
1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
Her ending could use more detail by explaining more about the things that are involved in speech.
2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
The lead involved me in the story, it was really catchy and the beginning was very well written.
3. Does the story contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
The story did a very good job by describing the scene, and it was a good description. I thought it helped a lot when she had explained her interview peices.
4. What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
I would like to just hear more about the things that are involved in speech and all the things that they had to go through before big tournaments not just "We had so many things to go through" kinda thing.

posted by Amira @ 10:56 AM